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Pregnancy is defined by the medical community as a 40 week period starting the first day of a woman’s last normal menstrual period. It’s divided into three trimesters, the first trimester is week 1 – week 12, the second trimester is week 13 – to week 28, and the third trimester is week 29 – to week 40 [2].

We can all agree that each pregnancy is unique, but that many commonalities exist among pregnant women from morning sickness to lower back pain, to intense food cravings. We can argue that it’s the one universal experience that brings a community together from Berlin, to Bangkok, to Brooklyn – people are drawn to a pregnant woman.

We know that many pregnant women will feel a mix of emotions from joy to extreme fear – it’s normal to be nervous, curious, and excited all at the same time. A woman’s body and womb are on an incredible journey during this sacred season, and both deserve to be nourished with whole foods, restful sleep, safe movement, affectionate touch, and so much more.

Motherood isn’t typically defined by the medical community. It’s defined by the immense love a mother feels for her child, the newfound purpose she wakes up to every day, and the exhaustion she ignores after sacrificing restful sleep for days, weeks, and maybe even years. It’s defined by every mother in her own words and that’s what makes motherhood truly beautiful – personal narratives that tell the collective story of this selfless, gratifying, and challenging role.

A mother is someone who nurtures you, who makes you feel like your deepest, truest self, who cares about your fears, and encourages your dreams. A mother is someone who loves you no matter what, who listens when no one else will, who has unmatched patience in all situations, who shares wisdom and teaches you from a place of love, and who intuitively knows exactly what you need when you need it. A mother is a selfless, loving human being who overcomes sacrifice, hardship, judgement, bias, and more to ensure that her child’s, health, education, character, personality, intellect, and emotional stability are protected, respected, and supported at all costs.

Mothers are remarkable and many if not all are so focused on caring for everyone around them especially their children that they tend to forget to take care of themselves. Our society forces mothers to manage competing priorities from family needs, career expectations, and societal obligations. We need to come together to take care of our fellow mamas and change the narrative so that in the future our daughters have a more supported experience.

A final thought – as you consider motherhood, remember that it’s your journey.  No matter what your history is with your mother, whether good or bad, you can be the mother you want to be.

Loss has many definitions and we’re going to focus on the loss of a child through miscarriage, abortion, or another cause. The medical community defines a miscarriage as a pregnancy that ends on its own within the first 20 weeks of gestation [6]. Miscarriage occurs for many reasons such as hormonal problems, infections, maternal health problems, or lifestyle choices. Women can take steps to prevent miscarriage including moving regularly, eating nutritious whole foods, getting restful sleep, managing stress, and making positive lifestyle choices in general.

Evidence based information aside, miscarriage is a traumatic experience for many women and they tend to feel isolated largely due to society’s portrayal of this deep, confusing, and emotional loss. Women are expected to ‘feel better’ immediately and this expectation makes many women feel that the trauma they’re experiencing is not legitimate. We can support women during this traumatic season by asking about their story and listening without judgement. We’re not in a position to offer opinions or advice, we’re being called upon for guidance to help the grieving woman come to her own conclusions and determine what she needs to acknowledge and accept her loss.

The second form of loss we’re going to acknowledge is the loss of a child through abortion. The medical community defines abortion as the termination of pregnancy [7]. Nearly one in four women will experience an abortion during their lifetime whether for medical or financial reasons, trauma from previous birth experience(s), pregnancy due to rape or incest, or another reason. Society places a social stigma on abortions often silencing women from sharing their stories out of shame, fear, guilt, or confusion. Regardless of the opinions of family & friends, society, political & religious leaders, the woman seeking this procedure is the ultimate decision maker. We need to create space for her to feel heard, seen, and supported as a human being.

The third form of loss we’re going to explore is the loss of a child through an illness, disease, sickness, accident, an act of violence, a natural or manmade disaster, or another cause. The loss of a child is a significant, traumatic experience and it’s the most stressful situation a mother will ever live through. She will feel the loss of her child, the loss of the time she planned to spend with her child, and the loss of herself. Every mother will grieve in her own way and in her own time. You can support her during this unimaginable time by giving her space to feel the magnitude of her emotions, process what has happened, and figure out what’s next. Your role is to be the giver. You need to be emotionally and physically available to give time and comfort. She is not in a position to answer ‘your’ questions, so remove that as an expectation. Whether you’re a partner, spouse, parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend, colleague, or child respect, that it’s her time – it’s hard and unfair, we know. When she is ready to resume the role of giver she’ll let you know.

If you’re the grieving mother give yourself time and space. There is no right or wrong way to grieve your loss. How you grieve will depend on many variables including your personality and coping style, your support system, your life experiences, and much more. You need time to acknowledge your pain to eventually be able to accept it. Seek support from a bereaved mother’s group, a spiritual community, or family & friends. Let people help you – they care deeply and are hurting too. If your profound sadness turns into depression please seek professional help. Put  embarrassment and judgement aside – you’re not the first mother who needs this kind of support and you won’t be the last. No matter what, remember that this is your journey and you need to let it unfold organically.

Grief is the emotional reaction to loss and can cause an overwhelming mix of emotions ranging from fear, anger, confusion, guilt, shock, and profound sadness. Grief can disrupt a woman’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. We can help a woman who is grieving by preparing wholesome meals, listening intently, offering physical comfort in the form of a tight embrace, or sitting in silence while she processes her story.